Thursday, March 15, 2007

Computer wedding vows, not worth spit

No, I don't mean Internet dating. I am talking about the relationship you have with your computer.

This week my relationship took a nose dive. For over three years I had taken for granted that my computer would always be there when I needed it. Then, for some reason I have yet to fathom, I lost all my contacts information in Outlook. It was if my computer decided to leave me and take all my friends with it (her?).

Where did they go? why did they go?

Computer relationships are much like human relationships. You think you have built a level of trust and dependency, then, WHAM, out of the blue everything is all messed up and you don't know why, nor can you figure out why. Did I forget an anniversary back up date? Did I forget to empty the re-cycle bin? Maybe I left my dirty undies on the desktop...

I tried a system restore, like bringing roses, to get things back to the way they were. But the flowers only spun aimlessly in my CD Drive. Her files were still missing from the closet and all I could smell was a lingering scent of sandalwood.jpg. This was a major .TIF

I resorted to consulting with enlightened Indian swamis from the MS mountains who promised to fix my problem for $49.95 or return my money... They blew incense up my third eye but could not Divine where, how or why my friends and trusted computer jilted me.

All I have left are memories to re-build my relationships with. No longer will I rely on a single relationship to sustain me. I will not take for granted that I have done everything possible to build a solid, sustainable relationship with only one computer. Yes, I will be more loving and aware of her needs, but I will also be more wary of committing all my files to one confidant.

I have now purchased a professional consort to sooth me and back me up in times of need. A new External hard drive is now purring softly next to me. She is firewalled off from my main squeeze so, hopefully, they are unaware of each other.

I don't need two problems, only one solution. Yes, I know better than to think I have only one relationship to nurture. Now I have two, and probably three as I gain knowledge and paranoia and procure a back up to back up my back up.

Am I becoming a computer John? Keeping a stable of information consorts at my side?

Yes I am! I have no moral tussle with whispering my secrets to more than one confidant. after all, they are my clones. I have paid for their gigs.

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, in sickness or in health I DO vow to spread my seedy information to as many backup drives as deemed necessary to guarantee the progeny of my information species.

Hmm, Maybe the cultures that promote computer drive polygamy know from experience that multiple consort drives are necessary to prevent the primary drive from taking its secrets and leaving to Kathmandu...

"Bye- bye now, see ya C:. Wench! Fetch me drive K:" I need a serious hard drive back up!"

Though I will always carry my beloved C: in memory, I am now master of my domain, and a more caring, sensitive partner with the true ruler of the roost.

"K: why are you crying? Do you need to be de-fragged more often? Can we live chat about this? Do you need a larger cache? Maybe I can free up some files so you don't feel overloaded. What if I were to buy another drive?"

"Boo-hoo-hoo, you just don't understand me. I don't need another drive, I just want you"

"Okay, K: settle down and reduce your raw error rate I will fix this"

Sheesh, back to square one. I will never figure out computer relationships but I have to keep trying. I need them, want them, can't live without them and I can't go back to pencil and paper.

Yet, the only way for me to re-construct my Outlook contacts database is to slog through piles of notebooks and sticky notes I have saved. Maybe the old way is still the best way. Like my granny used to say, " If you ain't got in writing it ain't worth spit. Of course Granny was a Madam and dealt only in cash.

A Robservation
Images lifted from internet. My apologies to original photographers, but I needed free stock to illustrate my article